From my Chasing Dragons | Hiding in Caves Substack.
I originally wrote this last year on December 20th, 2022, to be exact. It feels timely to launch Chasing Dragons | Hiding in Caves with it now, on the eve of day 7 of a (temporary) cease-fire in the war between Israel and Hamas, where innocent lives are being lost around the ideology of land and identity.
I listened to the Little Drummer Boy song this morning. Actually, I found myself singing it half by memory. I was reflecting on how so many of our Christmas songs are not even based on anything factual. Fabricated reenactments of fictional nativity scenes. Yet here was a song that conveyed a moment of worship most subtly. “I have no gift to bring…no gift to give a king…shall I play for Him?” The gentle melody flowed so familiarly. My heart caught in my throat as I thought about my own limitations on what I could give right now. My own feelings of unworthiness, of scarcity, of lack. Singing the final stanza brought me to a moment of peace. “I played my drum for him pa rum pum pum pum…then He smiled at me…”
I am a peacemaker. Everything about me, even my enneagram (type 9, thank you) is about peace and harmony. I sing to harmonize. I join groups and find ways to harmonize the spaces I occupy. It is unconscious. My day job is organizing. Peaceful protesting is in my job description somewhere. Recently I was told that I cared too much about how others felt. That my leadership was stunted because I was caught up in making sure everyone was feeling okay. And I can totally see that. Co-dependency is a real thing. However, I think I struggle with the fact that I do sense when people are not feeling well. When they feel disconnected. So I try to adjust, I try to harmonize and bring them into the song. It is a form of peacemaking. Not glamorous like a Nobel prize, but it is there. And I wonder what is meant by Blessed are the Peacemakers for they will be called Sons of God. And I hope that it means when I am most me, as a peacemaker, I am like that drummer boy playing his drum – the most natural thing he could do and something he never even considered could be a gift. Then being rewarded with a smile. I like to think that when I am offering God the truest part of myself, God smiles. And when the Bible talks about creation waiting for the sons of God to be revealed, that creation smiles at me too.
Blessed are the peacemakers Above the noise of the headlines And the chaos of the streets When I’ve got nothing left to give When I’m tired and just Holding on by a thread I remember I have chosen a path of peace I have chosen a path of restorative justice I have chosen a path of reconciliation and righteousness I have chosen to no longer listen to the lies I tell myself That these conflicts and wars are for my soul For they conflict and war with my soul Because blessed are the peacemakers For they shall be called Sons (& Daughters) of God And all of creation is waiting for them to be revealed…even to themselves.
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